Irish actor Jessie Buckley has candidly spoken about her teenage battle with an eating disorder and depression, revealing that a deep love for music and theatre ultimately aided her recovery. The 36-year-old, who hails from Killarney, County Kerry, shared her experiences during an appearance on BBC Radio 4’s Desert Island Discs, though she did not specify the nature of her eating disorder.
“I had an eating disorder, and it took time, and it took a lot of help, and also it was depression,” Buckley told host Lauren Laverne. She reflected on the profound impact of this period, stating: “I didn’t know how to be alive the way I wanted to be, and it was difficult, but I do not for a second regret it, and I think I’ve been able to transform it and recognise our vulnerabilities as humans in the world.”
The acclaimed actor emphasised the importance of transforming such experiences: “You know, you can’t walk through life not being affected, but you can transform that into something that allows you to be more human and alive in the way that you want to be.” She expressed gratitude for the support she received, adding: “And I’m very grateful for everybody who helped me along the way with that, and for the people who held space for that… I’ve been in therapy since I was 17, I still go every week.”
Buckley, who has recently garnered a string of awards for her portrayal of Agnes Hathaway in the film adaptation of Maggie O’Farrell’s novel Hamnet, also highlighted how acting became “essential” for her wellbeing. She recounted an incident where her appendix “almost burst” during one of her earliest performances, yet she refused to leave until the play concluded, describing acting as “like water to me”.
Her struggles continued even after moving to London. “When I moved to London, I still wasn’t out of the woods,” she explained. “I think there were moments where I was like, ‘if I don’t get better here, this music, this being part of theatre – I’m not going to be able to do this any more, and I probably won’t survive’.” It was this realisation, she said, that spurred her on: “And that was the thing that turned it in my head, I was like, ‘I don’t want to sacrifice that, this is bigger than that’, and won.”
The actor also looked back at her time on the BBC talent show I’d Do Anything, which launched her into the public eye during its search for an actor to play Nancy in a West End production of Oliver!. She had previously spoken to British Vogue in January about facing criticism regarding her appearance during the show.
Speaking to Laverne, Buckley reiterated her discomfort with that period: “I don’t like that part of it. I think that was a young woman who’s trying to discover her body and herself, like we all do. And I wish that hadn’t happened.” She felt pressured to conform: “I think I was putting a brave face on, because really what I wanted to do was sing and I wanted to act, and I wanted to be part of this industry, and all of a sudden you had to be a certain kind of person. And I just wasn’t, I never will be. That’s just not me.” Despite the challenges, she expressed pride in her younger self: “I’m so proud of that girl. I think she did great and I don’t regret any of it.”
Buckley also spoke fondly of her “extraordinary” mother, Marina, who lives in Dublin. “My parents are no longer together, and she lives in Dublin, and she’s writing her own story right now at 60 years of age, and I’m so proud of her,” she shared, becoming emotional as she chose a rendition of her mother singing O Holy Night as her first song.
The full Desert Island Discs episode featuring Jessie Buckley will be available on BBC Sounds and BBC Radio 4 from Sunday at 10am.
